come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I looked at my own cervix.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
