I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
