Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Do you still have your period?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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