She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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