on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
