He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize