Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
