don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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