it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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