its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
