I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
