bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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