hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Randomize
