May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
