sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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