My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
