And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
