I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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