My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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