my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
