just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
