if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize