do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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