clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
