someone get that fucking seahorse.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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