I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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