Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
