You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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