I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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