I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
