So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I need to stop coming to work sober
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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