She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
