I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Randomize
