She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
