If i come over, it means nothing
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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