Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Boobs speak an international language.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
