My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
