So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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