I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
