she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i drank out of a bidet.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I forget how to act sober
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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