and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
