sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
