Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
