After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
