508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize