oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
