He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
