Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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