God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
