sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
