I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
