Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he puts the penis in happiness.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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