Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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