New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
