Apparently you make a good broom.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
