he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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