dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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