Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
