In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's rum buckets o'clock
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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