I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You took a bar mat shot.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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