I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
