Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
