there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize