so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
