woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
