then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
